Togetherness

I love my family.

There are very few activities that don't become just a little better when we do them together.

Today I was reminded of one.....

Comfort and Joy

These two words from my favorite Christmas carol describe this week between holidays perfectly.  I  love Christmas, but the week between Christmas and New Year is my very favorite.

I love the joy of a day spent with family, the look on faces when they open new things they have been dreaming and wishing for. I love the comfort of no more rushing, no more wrapping and no more wondering.....

What did I get?
Will he like his present?
What if it doesn't fit her?

Now is the time to watch epic movies (LOTR is a favorite anround here), read new books (I've already finished one), eat up those cookies so you never have to see them again (until next year) and play with new toys. 

I am even looking forward to this weekend, when to start my new year I will be taking down all our Christmas decorations with Gone With the Wind playing in the background all day.  I have done this for years, even the girl is looking forward to seeing Scarlet and Rhett.

So party all night and nurse your first hangover of the year on 1/1/12 if that's what you love to do, but frankly I don't give a damn...

And then it was done....

Christmas was wonderful....

The joy on our daughters face when she looked at us was worth every minute spent in a mall. 

We shared our day with family and had laughs and tears. We held a brand new sleeping puppy and marveled at his cuteness. We ate delicious things we only eat once a year ( my sister-in-laws Christmas pudding) and we came home tired and happy to put on new Christmas pajamas and watch the best movie ever made, It's a Wonderful Life.  I cry every time Mr, Gower hits poor George's bad ear and each time I see his friends and family come together to help him at the end.

May we all be as blessed as George Bailey...

Freedom…

…is that moment when you admit to yourself you will not get those knitted slippers done in time for Christmas.


Ahhhhhhhh…..



They will keep his feet just as toasty warm for New Years.

Wordless Wednesday

Ten On Tuesday

10 Things To Do Before Christmas

1. Giftcards - I leave these to the very end because I hate them. I understand they are easy, but something about them just rubs me wrong. They never seem like enough, $25, really? But when I have to buy 5 of them at once and shell out over $100, I am annoyed.
2. Watch 13 Christmas Movies - We are woefully behind on our holiday movies. I have no excuse, other than our level of laziness must have decreased from previous years. We have a Christmas chorus concert tonight, so I am going to have to do nothing but sit on my ass all day and watch Rankin & Bass if we are gonna pull this off.
3. Stocking Stuffers - Another little thing that annoys me. After 24 Advent gifts and paying out the national debt in chocolate chips to make every melty, peanut butter treat on pintrest, sticking a shiny new penny and a clementine in that stocking seems like a good idea.
4. Knitting - I have 1.5 slippers to knit and felt. I have 5 secret knitted gifts to finish for my aunts and a hat to line and finish.....by Friday (this is where those movies come in!)
5. Christmas Cards - My cards are done and have been for weeks. They are sitting on the back sit of my car, sorted and ready for stamps. See gift cards and stocking stuffers.....annoyed.
6. Christmas Lights - All month I have wanted to go see the Christmas light show at the lake. Now we are into the last week before Christmas and I am running out of opportunities.
7. Christmas Eve - We are having people over, I guess I should have a plan....
8. Be Thankful - I desperately want a moment to sit in the glow of the tree lights and appreciate all that we have. I am too busy making it happen to enjoy it.
9. Bruggers Bagels - These bagels have been a tradition since my mom died and my dad used them to replace a big Christmas morning breakfast. Our local shop was chased out of town by Tim Horton's and their crappy bagels. My husband will have to get us some from the "big city"
10. Pickle Present - Every year we hid the pickle ornament in the tree and the kid gets an extra present if she can find it. It still must be hid and a special gift selected.

Well, I thought I was pretty caught up until I started this list. Thanks a lot, Carole.

***Update***

I HATE THE POST OFFICE. I finally psyched myself up to go in and buy $30 worth of stamps for my Christmas cards, only to be told EACH CARD required another .20 cent stamp because they were too small!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! This is why snail mail is dead. I will not be sending the "too small" cards at .64 cents each. To all of my friends and family who are waiting by their mailbox for our annual card, go inside and have a cookie and hot toddy because that shit ain't coming....

All I Want For Christmas Is You.....

I made these this week.

I found them on pinterest.

I have decided Santa can keep my presents.

Wordless Wednesday





Hustle & Flow

 

We are in full holiday tilt over here and the month seems to be flying. Today is my one day off a week and I have so many little details to work on that I almost want to just sit in my chair and knit to a marathon of National Treasure, do you ever feel like that?

 

Here are some bullet points of the last 13 days....

 

• The sun porch (cold room) is full of fudge, white trash, cookies, peanut butter balls and a Oreo/Reese's combo that is still in the works. Even with all that chocolate some people still ask me if there is anything good to eat, jeesh....
• We are behind on our Christmas movie list, but we have not given up. We took a break to watch Friends With Benefits, JT was adorable.
• We have been to one Christmas get together and we have another one this weekend, yay!
• I am completely caught up with wrapping and now am just doing them up as they arrive.
• We had a dusting of snow that is melting away as we speak and the child is getting nervous about her white Christmas.

 

Now I think I will go toss a coin to see what gets done today....

And that's why I love him....

Yesterday was our sixteenth wedding anniversary and we decided, after many years of threatening it, to each take the day off and spend it together. After we shipped the teenager off to school and we got back in bed and snuggled under the still warm blankets to discuss what we would do with our stolen time.

1. Definitely a big breakfast. ( I made french toast and fruit salad)
2. An after-breakfast nap. (there was no sleeping hehehehehehe)
3. Visit dad at the nursing home. (not very romantic, but we managed to have a few laughs)
4. Make our first trip to the local Amish Country Store.

This is where I stop to tell you how adorable and sweet my husband is.  While I was bent over in the bakery isle, checking out the delicious goodies, he put a small box with a bow nestled in amongst the pies!  It was a complete surprise! (I know you started thinking dirty after "bent over", shame on you)

We finished up with a family Christmas shopping trip to the city and a very disappointing dinner at The Melting Pot.

A good day. After all these years together he still knows how to surprise me.

xoxo

At 11am December 9th, 1995

I married my best friend....

Wordless Wednesday

Ten On Tuesday



I am a sucker for traditions. I love them. I love the security and comfort that comes with the repetitiveness of them. Christmas traditions are the  best and we have many...

1. Christmas Music - I could, and sometimes do, listen to Christmas music 24 hours a day. I am one of those people that is super excited when they start playing them on the radio in October.

2. Christmas Movies - We have a list of our favorite movies for each holiday. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas. The Christmas one is the longest, we try to watch one a day until the 25th and then A Christmas Story marathon on TBS is usually in the background of our festivities.

3. Christmas Treats - My daughter and I make the same stuff every year. Fudge, white trash, truffles, peppermint bark, mincemeat cookies and buckeyes. This year we have been swallowed whole by pintrest and have discovered some delicious goodies that we may have to add to our list.

4. Mimosas - Christmas is a long day and I truly feel that you can't give it your best with out a mimosa for breakfast and a bloody mary for lunch. Who's with me?!

5. Christmas Pageants - We use to go to our church pageant when our girl was little. She was an angel one year, a sheep one year and one year she even got to be the Virgin Mary with her baby doll ,Jermaine Johnson, in her arms as the Baby Jesus.  Now that she is older we go to her chorus concert at school and I am always brought to tears by it.

6. Christmas Stories - I read the Little House on the Prairie books every winter. Almost every book has a Christmas celebration in it and I love to experience the joy of the holiday with Laura and her family.

7. The Bailey Girls Christmas - When I was growing up Christmas Eve was spent at my grandparents house with the whole family.  These memories are still some of my very favorite .  Shortly after I got married and had our daughter my grandparents packed up and moved to Florida for the winters. My aunts get us all together each year to celebrate and moan about being left behind. I look forward to it each year.

8. Christmas Presents - I love to wrap presents. I am on a life long quest for the perfect gift label. I turn on my itunes, Christmas music of course, and wrap away in my present cave. It is one of my favorite parts of the holiday.

9. Hu-Lane Farms - My husband and I had a December wedding and we went to a small tree farm here in town to get our trees and wreaths to decorate our hall with. We have gone back every year and the sweet, elderly couple that own the farm never forget us. They always wish us a happy anniversary. We have taken our girl with us since she was bundled in a baby snowsuit to hike out into the field and help her daddy cut down a tree. Now our 6' girl smiles down on cute Mrs. D and could pat her on the head if she wanted too.

10. Christmas Morning - My husband and always get up  go downstairs first and make our daughter wait at the top of the stairs. She has to sit up there until our coffee is ready. It is pure torture. This year we have a Keurig, she is thrilled....

Bury Christmess

The chaos of the season is upon us and I can hardly get a breath!  Between the confused Fed-Ex man that has left a door tag requiring a signature on each of the outside doors to our house, the tower of boxes brought down from the attic filled with our Christmas cheer and the Russian roulette of opening multiple Amazon boxes, I forgot to tell you about my prize!!!

Pam at Living Rancho Delux, had a little giveaway a few weeks ago and I won!!  She was giving away a copy of The Beekman Boys Heirloom Cookbook. I have always been interested in the boys, mainly because I have a little hometown version of my own.  I was so excited to win and I got a wonderful little package in the mail this week, complete with chocolate!!! 

Today is back to the chaos of setting up Christmas, but come happy hour I know I will get to sit and sip and glance through my new cookbook. Thank you Pam!!

Earth has no sorrow that heaven can not heal.....

Don't let this beautiful girl die in vain.
Please make a stand against bullying.

A freshman from Spencerport, NY committed suicide because of kids that had nothing better to do than bully her and bring her self-esteem down. Her name was Cameron Lee DeVeronica, She was born on 2.16.1997 and she passed away 11.29.2011. I did not know her personally but someone made a page for her and people got on it with fake facebook accounts and continued bullying but I'm going to be sure to do everything in my power to make sure that this does not happen on this page. People need to come together and shut down the bullies in any way they can, we need to make sure that this beautiful girl has not died in vain and something is done to stop them in any way that we can. Not the same way they bullied this beautiful girl though... I don't want you to use words.. no matter how hard it may be because you want to fight back.. Facebook has options to report for a reason, lets use them. I will delete and remove anything I see as soon as I can and if you see it before I do REPORT, REPORT, REPORT!!! The more you feed into this, the more they will come back. LETS MAKE A DIFFERENCE PEOPLE! Lets make this page about honoring Cameron and all those others out there being bullied! Lets make this a page they can come to and see that there are people out there that care, even if they haven't met them yet...

*That girl or guy next to you that may not have the best clothes, or the perfect hair or figure, or money, or may not look "good"... but they may have the best, sweetest, funniest, caring personality than anyone you will ever meet in your life...and you wouldn't know it because you don't want to take the chance to get to know them because of how they look... next time think about this...and walk up and start a conversation with them... maybe you'll come to understand that looks and clothes aren't everything...and that person could be your best friend*


This picture and description were taken from the RIP Cameron DeVeronica page on facebook.  These words are mine.

I know this little girl, she has been here in our home and laughed with my own daughter. I can't even imagine what her parents must be feeling right now. I can't imagine what she must have been feeling to do this. The sadness, the loneliness and the creeping doubt in herself must have been horrible.

Why? What makes kids do this to each other? How does it happen? Who's at fault? Does anyone think their child could torment another so badly that they would rather die than face another day of it?  I can't imagine my daughter being that cruel. But somebodies daughter was, somewhere there is a girl or more like two or three, that did this.  How do they feel? How does their mother feel?

My daughter has been bullied. She has been made fun of. She's been harassed. Each time it broke my heart. I held her while she cried and asked me why.  I tried to make it better and I tried to help her work through it.  Time passes and things change.

That's what I wish I could say to Cameron, that even though right now is bad, it will get better. 

I wish she had time for it to get better.....

25 Days of Christmas

It is finally December and that means CHRISTMAS!!!!  My very favorite time of year is right now. I have been listening to holiday music for a month already. I have my grocery lists ready so we can start making all of our delicious treats and I have even got some shopping done!

We have had some sort of advent calendar since our teenager was just a baby. We started with one of those cardboard ones that you opened a little door and saw a little picture each day. We had the same one for years and she was just as excited to open that little door as if she hadn't seen it the year before.

Then my Martha Stewart kicked in and I made twenty five little felt mittens that were numbered and we hung one on a tiny tree every morning, another big hit that we used for years.

About two years ago we made a tiny matchbook tower with numbered drawers and put a tiny little gift in each box to be opened every morning. While she loved this one, I found it hard to find things that would fit in the small boxes.  No reason to add this kind of stress to the holidays.

This year I decided to knit twenty five mittens and hang them on a garland. I finished the 23rd mitten last night and had to admit to myself that I couldn't do them all before the first of December. So I concentrated on the ones I had and two will just be a little late to the party!

She woke up this morning and was thrilled, of course that might be because we can fit bigger presents in the mittens, but I like to think it's because she realizes all of the love her mother knit into each one. 

Yeah, it's the bigger gifts....

Wordless Wednesday

1977

Ten on Tuesday

My childhood was full of music. My mother was a singer, and she would sing us awake and sing to us while we did our chores, and she loved to sing in the store (which my sister and I absolutely hated). She used to say that she wished life was like a musical and that people would just burst into song when you least expected it!
I watched tons of musicals and I think my choices really show what a child of the 70's and 80's I am...

1. A Star Is Born  - Any Barbara Streisand movie really could be here, this one just stands out as a good memory. I remember my mother and one of her sisters compairing hairstyles with Babs, anytime they hated theirs that is.

2. Grease - My uncle and I went to see this so many times when it came out I think we single handedly raised the movie's gross.

3. Sound of Music - This was one of those movies that only came on TV once a year. I would always look forward to it!  We would go to my grandparents house and watch it and my grandma would make popcorn and homemade pizza. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was also one of those once a year TV treats that I always waited for!

4. Coal Miner's Daughter - My sister and I knew all the words to every song. To this day we repeat dialog from this movie to each other if the moment requires it. I always preferred Sissy Spacek's voice to Loretta's, even though she is the queen of country music.

5. Sweet Dreams - Exactly the same as above. I have both of these soundtracks on my iPod and I just watched this movie, again, about a week ago.

6. Disney Movies - I love any and all singing Disney movies. Mary Poppins was a particular favorite of my tiny baby girl. We would watch, rewind, watch, rewind, watch, rewind..... My particular favorites are Make Mine Music & Melody Time.  They were short cartoon stories and all music.

7. The Wizard of Oz - So many things could be said about this movie, but they already have been.  Recently a man came into work and asked for it. He told me he and his wife had never seen it before and therefore their children hadn't either. I was amazed!



8.  Camelot - I love the songs, and the story has always been one that I was interested in. I had a crush on Richard Harris too and would watch this over and over and pretend he was swooning over me and not Guienevere.

9. My Fair Lady - This is another one where the songs were the main attraction. I have these on my iPod and love sing them. 

10. White Christmas - My favorite holiday movie is It's a Wonderful Life, but sadly Jimmy Stewart doesn't sing. This is the best musical holiday movie and it just isn't Christmas with out it.



Well, that's my list and now I am off to sing my way through the laundry and pretend life is a musical!

Christmas Crafting

I am a list maker. I love notepads and planners and writing stuff down. Partly because my memory for things is just gone (thank you pinterest!) and partly because paper is so pretty!!!

I saw a Christmas planner here that I loved. I knew I could do that and I probably had all the supplies. The original tutorial is from here, and they have tons of great ideas.

I got my supplies out and started crafting. I did have to get some supplies at the store, but I spent about $4 dollars total.

I LOVE this planner! I have already started filling it with lists, holiday movies, delicious treats, adorable Christmas lists written by a not-so-little girl. 

I even made a year-by-year chart of who gets to pick the Christmas tree......just so there's no question it's my turn....

"I’ll become a blue sky and watch over you." -Tae-hwa

I know that my mother is always with me. I know in my heart that she protects me and guides me in so many ways. I have had example after example these last twenty-two years, too many to not believe. Yesterday I had another....

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a homebody, and weekends are my paradise. I love to be home, I love to putter and cook and not go anywhere. Yesterday was the local Olde Tyme Christmas and spectacular Parade of Lights. CG and I were in the parade with the library float. So, I had to fix myself up and head out in to the world, grudgingly. We left the house at 4 o'clock to head to the 6 o'clock parade.  Another weird qurk I have is being early, to everything, all the time. Just minutes after we had left there was a horrible car accident, in our front yard.

A woman, a woman that I know, was trapped in her car for over an hour. My husband was there with her the whole time, listening to and watching her pain. He said it was horrible.

I could never, ever have been there and seen that.

When my mother and sister were in their accident, just a little farther down the road from this one, I was not home. I was at a concert, with a boy whose name I don't even remember and wouldn't be back for hours. I didn't know. I didn't feel anything. I didn't live at home and I visited very rarely. Friends and partying were more fun than my family. That wasted time with my mother haunts me everyday.

I have a thin veneer of normalcy I wear over my pain, seeing that woman suffer would have shattered it. My mother knew I couldn't see that. We left early, we missed it by moments.  We were gone for hours, until the accident was erased from my own yard.

As a mother I know that not even death would stop me from protecting my daughter.

I learned that from my own mother.

Vainglorious

I just don't understand....

...someone who messes up their life by trying to make it perfect...at any cost
...then blames the other person.....over and over and over...never once accepting any blame
...talks about the shitty thing every day for over a year...to everyone
...is given a second gift...only to compare it to the shitty thing....every day
...getting to do things some of us will never, in our whole lives, get to do....and still complains
...to treat someone with such disregard...when they have chosen to love you

I just don't understand....

From My House To Yours

Wordless Wednesday

10 Things For Which You Are Thankful

1. My husband. The day I decided to marry this man was a good day indeed. We have had our hard times, but they have only proven to us that we belong together and that nothing is as good as laughing and loving.
2. My friends. I have awesome friends that make me laugh and cry and love me. We have so much fun together that it is almost indecent.
3. My family. Somehow two messed up people were given the most perfect gift of a child. I am blessed.
4. My home. I love my house, I love it's broken down parts and making them whole again. I love being tucked up in it, with my two favorite people. I love having people over to share it with us.
5. My sister.  I wish I could spend more time with her. When I think of all the years living together in the same house that we wasted plotting each others death I am sad, because now that I am not 15 I realize just how awesome she is.
6. My dog. No one loves you like your dog. I have been lucky enough to have had two of the best dogs ever.
7. My knitting. I can't tell you how many times sitting and calmly knitting has stopped me from killing someone.
8. My mother. The nineteen short years that I had her, she taught me the skills I needed to have the  life I have now.
9. My wine. See knitting.
10. My Kelly. Sometimes you find a friend that you have always needed, but didn't know until you found her.

And The Moral of the Story Is....

The other day, while dropping my high school-er off in my nightie, my car started to get v.....e......r.....y.....s....l.....o.....w. I crossed my fingers and hoped I would make it home.  When I got to the small hill before my house I had my slipper down to the floorboards and I was maybe hitting 20mph. There was also a strange humming noise coming out of the engine.

I made it to our driveway and had the foresight to back in so I could be towed to our mechanic later.  I called my husband and my mechanic and they both told me to get the car to the garage as soon as possible.  Luckily, it is mostly down hill so I was able to coast the whole way, no tow truck needed.

I almost immediately got a call from my mechanic,

"Lisa, who else works on your car?"
"No one, I would only let you touch my engine!"

But even as I said the words I remembered getting an lube, oil and filter from a dinky (and cheaper) little place behind the flower shop in town this summer. 

Shit.

"Well, the top to your air filter is off. The cable that connects your air filter to your car's computer is unplugged and hanging there."

Double shit.

"Ummmm, I guess Jon did it....."

Sorry honey, but someone had to get thrown under the bus and I didn't think he'd believe our 14 year old did it.  He fixed everything up, and not cheaply. I promised to never let my husband touch my car again and silently promised to never take it to the dip shit behind the flower shop either.

On my way to work this morning my check engine light came on again....that's what I get for lying.

I won! I won!

source

The lovely Pam over at Living Rancho Deluxe recently posted about her french onion soup (my very favorite) and the cookbook she got this recipe from, Beekman 1802 Heirloom Recipes! 

I love Josh and Brent (Josh a little bit more) and have watched their show for awhile now. When I found out she was giving away a copy of the book I had to put my name in and guess what? 

I won a copy!!!  I am so excited! It won't be here in time for Thanksgiving, but I am sure to cooking things out of this book for Christmas!!

Thank you Pam :)

Thankful

Thanksgiving is upon us and everyday I am filled with gratitude for all that I have in my life. I will suddenly stop in the middle of an average, every day act and have an aha moment....

I have friends and family that love me.

My husband and I both have jobs and are able to take care of our daughter.

We have a home that we love.

I am grateful.

Last week was sad for me. My mom's birthday makes me miss her and I feel like I got jipped by losing that irreplaceable person in my life. But as I stood around at my cousin's beautiful apartment laughing and having fun with my mother's sisters I had an aha moment....

Even though I lost that one special person, I still had four more.

I am grateful.

Random Things

1. I hate Fridays, unlike everyone else in the world.
2. I can't wait to start cooking for Thanksgiving.
3. I have been listening to Christmas music all month.
4. I miss my sister.
5. I hate the Twlight movies, but I am kind of excited to see Breaking Dawn.

Walk A Mile In Their Shoes

Today at work one of my favorite patrons seemed sadder than usual. She always has a smile for you, she always wants to know how you are and she means it. She reads a lot and comes to visit us at the library every week. I just love her.

I could see the sadness on her face and I knew that her husband had been battling cancer for awhile. I was almost afraid to ask, "Is everything okay?"

She told me that her husband had just had a bad report from his doctor, her sister was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. "I am a breast cancer survivor you know, it runs in our family."  I did not know.

Her nephew, while coming home to be by his mother's side, was in  a horrible car wreck and ended up having his hand amputated.

I did not know what to say, and while I struggled to come up with any words that could make her feel better she said,

"But our son just got engaged and I am thankful for good news."

We all experience good and bad in our lives, some people have to go through horrible things. Some people go tthrough things you can't imagine. Some people let their saddness ruin their lives and make them bitter and hateful. Some people don't let the heartbreak they know define them.

I hope to be one of those people....

Wordless Wednesday

Thank You

If I can but keep on believing

What I know in my heart to be true,

That darkness will fade with the morning

And that this will pass away, too –

source

Yesterday was a dark day and all the kindness from my loved ones and friends made it easier to bear.

Today will be better.

My two best friends told me that my mother would not want me to be so sad and to lose a day with people in my life right now by mourning the fact that she is no longer here.

They are absolutely right.



Happy Birthday

I am a loud person. I talk, a lot. I smile and greet and try to make everyone I meet feel good.

When I am sad, or mad it is very obvious. I am quiet and withdrawn, and I don't really give a shit if you feel good.

Today I must have had 15 people ask me if I was alright.

"You okay?"

"You sure seem quiet."

"Are you not feeling well?"

"What's wrong?'

And I didn't have a good answer for any of them.

It didn't seem right to say,

"Well, it's my mom's birthday today and I haven't been able to kiss her or suprise her with a balloon or maybe a flower or take her out to dinner in over 20 years because she is dead."

I just don't think that is the answer any of them were looking for.

Chevron Scarf

This is primarily a knitting blog and I am primarily a knitter, with all other domestic duties falling to the way side. So, I thought it was about time I talk about some knitting!  While I still had sunshine I wanted to get some pictures of this beautiful scarf.  It is my two favorite things, Noro and chevron stitch.

It came out beautifully, just as I had hoped and I was thrilled to find a use for some of my kuryeon that seems to multiply on my shelves.

We have had a very lazy day here waiting for our great hunter to return. The apple crisp is out of the oven and the beef and barley soup is in the crock pot. I think a nap may be in order.

Sugar and Spice And Everything Nice

source

To thank the men and women who have given and continue to give their lives for our freedom, my daughter and I went to the mall to shop. It is a basic human right and one which should not be taken for granted. Unfortunately, I hate to shop for clothes and the only thing I hate more is shopping for clothes with my teenage daughter.

Those few precious years of dressing up your compliant and beautiful baby are barely payment for the years of fighting over every scrap of clothes they want to put on their bodies. Parenthood is not to be taken lightly and I think my #1 fear is screwing her up somehow. I constantly question myself and my decisions, "Is the right thing to do? Will she hate me and be on The Bad Girls Club someday?"
What if that 8th birthday party that I cancelled is the thing she talks about when she is on Intervention?MTV is full of girls whose parents screwed them up. I don't want my daughter to be one of them.

Anyway, we headed out to the big city and the big mall, with the cool stores, to get a few things for my growing-taller-every-day teen. My girl has been bewitched by Seventeen magazine and all those ridiculous teen shows about how she should look and what kind of clothes she should wear. Never mind that she is six feet tall and curvy, not an Abercrombie zombie at all. She only wants those outfits she sees in the media and none of the ones that fit her body type and make her look stunning. And so the fighting begins....

What was supposed to be a nice day together turns into a crying in public kind of day. It is so frustrating to me that she can't see what other people see and that she is so disappointed in her inability to look like that picture in a magazine. I start to doubt myself, what do I do? What is the best way to open her eyes and show her? Surely, it is not getting so upset that I walk away from her in a busy mall and leave her sitting on a bench hiding her tears.

I miss my mom so much now that she is older and I need more advice than when she was a easy baby. This is the time when I need reassurance, someone who will tell me what to do so I can just do it, without worry and doubt. 

I wonder when iPad will come out with an App for that?

Thank You

Whatever

So, I kind of suck at this whole write-a-post-everyday-crap. I'm not gonna lie, I take full advantage of the posting options here on blogger. I do a lot of early morning, could'a been yesterday posting.

Today is my first full day without my husband. He has called me twice and sent me about 10 emails, he doesn't text. We are so pitiful without each other. I have gone away on trips without him before and I hate it. Same for him, even our daughter gets so homesick that she tends to not spend the night places very often. We are definitely homebodies and we like to be together.

A friend of mine was just talking about girl weekends and how important it is to go away without your families and restore yourself, so you can be a better wife and mother. I just don't think it would be like that for me.

Although having instant mashed potatoes for dinner and watching Green Lantern while enjoying all those half naked Ryan moments is pretty fun....

Christmas Music!!!!

Well, here it is, on the 9th day of the November, on a Wednesday mind you, the Christmas music starts.....and I love it!!

That is 46 days of Christmas cheer, not to mention the eternal loop coming from my iPod.

To celebrate this impending joy let's take a random look at our holiday playlist, shall we?

1. Please Come Home For Christmas-Luther Vandross (the melodic tones of the king of soul)

2. Different Wings-Trans-Siberian Orchestra (classic)

3. I Don't Want To Spend One More Christmas Without You-NSYNC (don't judge)

4. Baby It's Cold Outside-Tom Jones (no one can make Christmas dirty like Big Tom)

5. Opera of the Bells-Destiny's Child (I don't even know where that came from)

6. Sleigh Ride-Neil Diamond (because no one can sing about Christmas like a cute Jew)

7. I'll Be Home For Christmas-Sarah Mclachlan (she had me at SPCA)

8. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer-Burl Ives ( he needs no smart quip, he's a talking snowman!)

9. Christmas In My Heart-Ray Charles (my favorite....)

I can't wait for my James Brown Christmas album around!

And Then He Was Gone

My husband leaves tomorrow for a hunting trip to PA with his boyfriend best friend. They stay in a cool cabin in the middle of the woods and see bear, deer, turkeys and all sorts of wildlife. They never kill anything and I think there is a lot of beer drinking and bull shitting around the fire.

That means I will spend today making chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal cookies (these can double as breakfast), vegetable soup and beer bread (always looking for ways to get more beer). He will definitely eat good in the woods.

My daughter and I, on the other hand, will have noodles with butter and cheese, instant mashed potatoes, and lots of American Horror Story while the boss is away.....

DST vs. EST

Let me give you a little run down of my morning so far....

Because just about every clock or time piece I have adjusts itself automaticlly I forgot to manual change the time on my alarm clock Saturday night. So of course this morning it went off an hour early and scared the beejesus out of me. And becausee it was 4:45 am when I tried to adjust the time and alarm, in the dark, I did it wrong and then overslept.

After I jumped out of bed and yelled, "We're late!" I went in the bathroom and realized I hadn't changed the time on that clock either. I reached up to take it off the wall and dropped it. It broke into about three pieces.

Thinking that coffee would be the only thing to help, I turned on the Keurig and took off the water cyclinder to fill it. Yep, I then dropped the full water cylinder and caused a small tsunami on the counter top.

I need my hour back.....

I'm In The Guild

guild also gild (gld) n.
1. a. An association of persons of the same trade or pursuits, formed to protect mutual interests and maintain standards. b. A similar association, as of merchants or artisans, in medieval times.

Kelly over at Knitn' Green started a Fiber Guild and was kind enough to send me an invite! I don't usually do well in groups, I am kind of a loner, but I decided to put on my big girl pants and do it!

I am a big fan of pj's and my chair on a Sunday night (or any night) so I wasn't sure I would be all that excited to go out. Molly told me about her experiment to experience more of the "real world" instead of just the world wide web. I thought this was a good chance to test it out.

We had a great time! The guild was cool, lots of ladies with their knitting, crocheting and quilting. A delicious pumpkin latte and I met a few new people, definitely a good decision.

We meet again next month and I am already looking forwrd to it!

The Part Where I Wake Up...

About eight years ago a friend of mine taught me how to knit and a whole new world was opened up to me. I started knitting all the time!  Who knew there was all those yarns and needles and notions out there just waiting to be discovered!

At this same time I had just really gotten into the Internet and blogs. Unbelievably, blogs are kind of on their way out now that facebook and twitter has come on to the scene, but back then I could spend hours reading other knitters blogs and feeling like I was making a friend. My husband used to tease me when I talked about one of my Internet friends , " You mean the ones that aren't real?", he'd say.  But they were real, I knew all about them and what they were doing and what they were making. I really considered them a friend.

I got so in to it that I decided to start a blog. I wrote about my knitting a lot, but then it grew into more about my child, my husband, my family, the loss of my mother and so much more. I did some really good writing on that blog. I won a few small blog awards and I was really proud of what I had done.

I see now that I was naive, that I did not comprehend the scope and distance of the Internet. Sure, I had readers from Finland, Sweden and Ireland, but they were my friends, they left lovely comments about things that I said. They admired my knitting and laughed at my jokes and were kind.

Then one day I had a terrible person with a terrible agenda enter my life and when I realized she could see my life on my blog I completely lost it. I erased the whole thing in a second, years of thoughts, pictures and stories were gone. It was all I could think of to do to protect myself and my family. I wish now I had done it differently and somehow preserved what I had made for myself, but oh well....

Once my eyes were opened to "the other people" on the Internet I checked my flicker account stats and realized 1000's of hits were being made a day on my beautiful little girls pictures, by strangers who had found the pictures by googling things I won't even write here.  All of these led me to be scared of the Internet, of those people, the ones that were not kind.
I went a long time with no presence on the world wide web. I slowly came back to it, but with much more knowledge of protecting myself and the ones I loved. I use all my privacy settings and restrict access to things I didn't before. I joined facebook, but hid myself. I kept my flickr, but no one can see my pictures but me and my family. I didn't restart my blog, all my previous work was gone and I was too afraid to start another. I missed it though, very much. I missed the writing and the comments and the people, the kind ones.

I finally started a blog again a few years ago, just a little post here and there. I go long stretches with nothing to post. I had a hard time writing, deciding what was safe to tell people about. I didn't tell anyone about it and I don't promote my blog to other bloggers, part of me was still afraid. I realized I missed sharing and hearing from people. I want to get those comments and questions, I want to know that someone was touched by a story I wrote about my mother. I want someone to say that they love the scarf I just finished knitting. I missed the connection....

I know those other people are out there still, but I refuse to let them scare me any more.

Friday Night Is Pizza Night

Pizza

P...I...Z...Z...A

PIZZA!!!! (Internet shouting)

If I was stranded on a deserted island all I would need is my knitting and pizza, it sounds quite nice actually.

Pizza is my favorite food, hands down, no question. I like a lot of things, but I can't imagine a life without ever having pizza again.

We have a long history, pizza and I. When I was little it was Sunday nights with homemade pizzas at the grandparents for Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom and Walt Disney World.  When I got older every other Thursday when my mom got paid she brought home a Susie's Pizza, which was and still is, the best pizza I have ever eaten. Those night are so special to me now that I am older, because I realize what a big deal it was for her to do that for us. After high school I worked at a pizzeria and learned to make pretty good pie. I was a hit at my apartment, because I usually brought home a mistake pizza or one that didn't get picked up.

After my mom died my dad, sister and I survived on pizza for several months. My dad had gone from his mother's farm table to his wife's table and knew very little about grocery shopping. My sister and I were kids and knew less. So every night I brought home a pizza and wings and we ate it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Now that I have my own family Friday night is pizza night. Momma works a long day helping the public to get smarter and then comes home tired and cranky. I am ready for my wine, pj's pizza. I usually start thinking about it about 3:30 and the anticipation grows....

...was that the door bell?

Alligator's In The Air

Cause the free wind is blowin' through your hair

and the day surround your daylight there

Seasons cryin' no despair

Alligator lizards in the air

NaBloPoMo

I'm going to try to post everyday this month for national blog posting month.

Even if it's just something dumb and boring....like this.

"Who's too old to trick or treat?"

Not these girls apparently. When I suggested they just walk around and enjoy the evening I was given looks of utter disbelief.

"You mean NOT get any candy?!"

Fourteen is still little, don't let those push up bras fool you....

Motherhood

This morning on the porch is probably the best yet. The sun is dabbled, the breeze is balmy, but not the humid sticky one we have had. The coffee is perfect and the puppy and the old cat have even decided to honor a treaty and enjoy it together.

But for me all I see is my daughter, all I hear in my head is me talking and giving her ideas and advice. I can’t be in the moment because I am too filled with dread and worry.

School starts in a few weeks and already it has started. Her group of “friends” is mad at her. They are all the best of friends, inseparable for weeks and then it happens. The ringleader gets mad because one of the other girls spends too much time with my daughter or she gets jealous over something my daughter has gotten or done or sometimes, it seems, she gets mad for no reason at all and the hate starts.

No one will talk to her, the ringleader won’t allow it. They make plans and do stuff without her and then post it all on Facebook for her to see. They lie and say she did things she knows she didn’t do.

It is all very confusing and hurtful for her. She would never do something like this to them and it is hard for her to believe, every time, that they would do it to her. I try to counsel and help her but it breaks my heart, every time.

They make up and the cycle starts again. I try to tell her to make new friends, but the thought of losing all three of them at once is so daunting to her that she just can’t imagine it.

“Where will I sit at lunch?”

“Who will I talk to in Science?”

“Everyone hates me.”

I have run out of patience with these girls and I have run out of advice to tell my own sad teenager. I long for the days of skinned knees, when a band aid and a kiss could fix it all.

{this moment}

Wordless Wednesday

link

Ten on Tuesday

Today's list is top ten funny bumper stickers....who has bumper stickers?!

I rarely see a good, old fashioned bumper sticker on a car anymore. It's always those oval ones with the initials of where you have been. My daughter and I will sit behind a car with one of those and try to figure out what RXI means. I am ashamed to say we have followed a car or two until we figure it out.

I did see a good one one day when I was waiting in front of our local middle school. A piece of crap, broken down jalopy had a big purple bumper sticker on it that said. "I like it in the ass." I am sure that middle schooler was so excited to have his mom (or dad) pick him up in that car! I wonder if it's true or are they just being funny?

I myself have one bumper sticker, "Proud Parent of a High Honor Student."  and it's no joke!!!

Miscellany Monday

1. Another weekend of camping completed and enjoyed. This time we went to my husband's 25th high school reunion and camped. It was so fun. Any misgivings I had about being the uncool girl who married the popular boy were completely wrong, everyone was wonderful! Thank goodness we all grow up...

2. The heat is finally gone and now I can breath and accomplish things. It has rained the last two days and every where you go people are thrilled about it!

3. The 4-H Fair has started (hence the rain) and I look forward to it every year. Something about the animals, the taffy, the grease pole and the rides just gets me....it is summertime.

Thursday Slump Day

I hate Thursdays.

 

It is my least favorite day of the week. I know most people are getting excited as soon as Wednesday hits, but not me.

Thursdays at work are slow...super slow. It definitely does not require two people. So I end up standing around on my poor, old feet and thinking about all the things I COULD be doing, if I didn’t have to stand there and twiddle my thumbs.

I wrestle with calling in every Thursday. Should I? Will I? Why not?

I might...