2014 Year In Review

1.  What did you do in 2014 that you'd never done before?

Went on college tours with my daughter and husband.  I never went to college, other than community college, it was just never discussed or mentioned.  I think about all the times Jon and I have talked about CG going to college and wonder what stopped my parents from sending me?  Was it my lack of ability, finances, their own unsteady relationship?  It's a mystery...

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I make resolutions all the time, mainly on Mondays and then again the next Monday. I make the same ones and rarely get past a Tuesday with them intact.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Not a close friend, but lots of babies were had.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My father-in-law passed away after a long struggle with heart disease and Parkinsons.  His was a sad life these last few years, living in a nursing home he hated and each day losing a little more control over his body and mind.

5. What countries did you visit?

None.  Not all get to wander....

6. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?

Good health.  A feeling of ease and comfort.

7. What dates from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

My memory is not so good.  I write a lot down, because it is so easily gone.  We do a memory jar every year and read all the little snippets of paper on New Years Day, I was surprised by all the things that had completely left my mind.  My life has very few BIG THINGS, sometimes the things I remember most are the mundane that fills my heart with joy.  

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

That I didn't kill someone.  As I get older I notice that my fuse is short and my temper is hot.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Getting healthy.  It is all so daunting a task.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

It seems like something else stops working everyday.  In 2014 my biggest worry was my heart.  I have thought to myself more than once, "I will miss them when I am gone."  Hopefully this will be the year I find out what the trouble is.  I had a really horrible abscessed tooth that no amount of prescribed painkillers could touch, and believe me when I say I tried them all in many combinations.  Then there is the slow but complete ruination of my feet.  I have my grandmother's feet.  I think of her sitting in her chair until the day she died and it frightens me.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A Filofax personal organizer. I am a notebook and planner  girl from way way back, I have them all in a box in the attic and this summer while my daughter and I were up there in the blistering heat organizing and purging we read through several of them and laughed, laughed, laughed. (*see #7)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My daughter.  She has worked her butt off to do well in school, with college being the long term goal. She went to a tutor over the summer to improve her SAT scores, while working and juggling her first "real" relationship.  It was a joy to see her becoming the person she will be.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Sadly, so many.  The behavior of people in general is appalling.  I sound like an old lady, but kids these days are just horrible, rude, stupid and they are our future.  Now a days a polite person is a rarity instead of commonplace, no good can come of that.  I talk myself down from the ledge everyday when it comes to dealing with the public (*see #8).

14. Where did most of your money go?

On nothing terribly exciting, just keeping us clothed, fed and a roof over our heads is the goal.  We don't do trips or extravagant gifts.  We have one child and we save for college and retirement with every pay check, but some days I still have to rob Peter to pay Paul.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My Filofax.....does that sound as sad as it looks typed?  I know a lot of people don't get, but to me it is WONDERFUL!  It is a creative outlet that I really, really enjoy and the ladies that I have meet through Instagram and You Tube have been just great!

16. What song will always remind you of 2014?

Shake It Off.  You know that Taylor is kind of a pain in the ass, but damn if she isn't catchy as hell.  The other song that immediately comes to mind is Let It Go from Frozen, I don't need to ever hear that again......ever.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder?

I struggle with this, I tell myself I am a happy person and I work hard on it every day, but deep down I am sad and sometimes the sad wins.

b) thinner or fatter?

Fatter, I lost a good 20 pounds in 2014 with another 20 that need to be lost, but I put it all back on by the end of the year.  The circle goes round and round....

c) richer or poorer?

We paid off some debts, we saved a little more for college and we paid our bills every month.  That's richer in my book.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Spent time outside last summer.  It seems like we waited all summer for it to start, and then suddenly it was done.  The pool was cold and the hot tub was idle too many times.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Swallowing my opinion.  

20. How did you spend Christmas?

With my two favorite people in our favorite place.  My husband had time off of work and the teenager had time off of school, so I took time off so we could be together.  No shopping, dinner out, movies or hanging with friends, we spent time together hold up in the house having a great time.  It's the most wonderful time of the year.

21. Did you fall in love in 2014?

I fall in love everyday.  My husband is forever wooing me and he is sooooo good at it.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Chopped.  Hands down, no hesitation, I can't get enough of that shit.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I hate the same people.  It takes a lot for me to truly hate, but when I do it is enduring.

24. What was the best book you read?

50 Shades of Grey, do with that information what you will.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I love all music.  I have listened to rock, pop, country, rap, jazz, blues, bluegrass, and hip-hop this year.  I find something that gives me goosebumps in most genres, unfortunately I rarely know the name of the performer or the song.  I love my Soundhound app!

26. What did you want and get?

Debt that was hanging over our heads paid off.  Nothing feels quite as good as sending that last payment.

27. What did you want and not get?

I feel like I usually get what I want, whether it's material or not.  I am very content with my lot in life.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

I love movies.  I love to watch them.  I love when I am still thinking about a movie the next day, that to me is the mark of good film.  That being said I am an action movie buff, pretentious and thought provoking films are not usually high on my list.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

This year I turned 45.  I spent it with my husband, my daughter and my dad.  We had a picnic outside by the bonfire, it was one of my favorite birthdays ever.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

*see # 27

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014?

Whatever isn't too tight is what's on trend here. Sometimes underpants just don't make the cut...

32. What kept you sane?

My husband.  His voice and the smell of his neck make me feel better about the world.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I think Jimmy Fallon is a hell of a guy.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Honestly, I am so disillusioned I try not to follow the latest atrocity the world is creating.

35. Who did you miss?

I miss my mom every day.  I don't think there will ever be a time I don't wish she was here to share something with me.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

I keep my circle pretty small.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014.

If it's what is right for you, don't let anyone sway you from believing in it.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

"I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream."

Thanks for reading all this, now go find something to do!

Roger Lee Pritchard January 18, 1941 - August 18, 2014

This week my family lost a wonderful man to Parkinson's and heart disease. A man who should have had a much longer time here with all of us and who should have been able to fully enjoy the last 10+ years he did have here. Parkinson's disease is not often discussed or the feature of a viral video on social media. Parkinson's disease can steal your loved one and yet leave him right in your life, forcing you to watch the slow dismantling of a man that you love. I am sad to see the funny, sweet, soft spoken man I knew go, but I a joyous to know that he is free of the pain and limits that his disease had put on him. I hope he is enjoying a long walk, a lobster dinner and a glass of wine with his bride. Goodbye Roger.

Christmas Weekend

This weekend was heaven.
Lots of snow, no need to shop or visit.
Cookies, fudge and peanut butter balls.
The Bishops Wife and Love Actually.

Christmas is here...

The Force is strong with this one...

This girl of mine, she loves Star Wars.

I love Star Wars too, but she takes it to a whole other level.  She's been like that since she was little, she watched those movies more than any other cartoon movies we had.

Today was Disney day at school for homecoming and because Disney bought the rights to SW last October she thought it was a perfect opportunity to dress up as the princess.  With the help of a gracious Aunt and some websites we constructed the perfect costume!

She looked amazing, too bad some poor sports that couldn't be bothered to do more than pull out some mouse ears or a Tinker Bell t-shirt from Wal Mart had to ruin her day by being obnoxious, jealous little shits.

But the force is strong with this one and she has a Yoda like zen about her that lets her not get mad or upset with evil little brats.  I am more Darth Vader about it and if I could I'd show them who the evil one is.

Day 21: A Self-Portrait

Uhhhgggg...

This one is hard.

I hate pictures of myself.

I always think, "Holy Shit is that me?"

My beautiful daughter has had a camera in her face since the beginning and she is so photogenic.  All I have to do is say "smile" and there it is, the perfect shot.

I love to take pictures of my husband.  I think he is gorgeous.  He is rugged and sexy and has the sweetest smile.

Did you see what I did here?  Did you forget I am supposed to be showing a picture of myself?

Damn.

Me?  Not so much.  I am the picture taker, and that means there are few pictures of me to choose from, thank goodness.  I have my favorites, but they are few and far between.  My drivers licence has the best photo of me, taken a few days before I married my sweetheart.  I will use it until I die.  My daughter has taken a picture or two of me that I really like and many years ago a local photographer used to take pictures of my sister and I to practice.

I love my soulful eyes...

Day 20: Something That Means A lot To Me

I definitely have a thing about pictures.  I torture myself sometimes and make myself decided what I would take in an emergency and what I would leave behind.  I see the "hoarder" in me when it comes to my little bits of paper.  Even though I have 1000's of photos saved to an external hard drive.  I can not make myself click delete on them, it just seems wrong.

Because I have lost someone so important to me I cling to the memories I have.  Pictures are a HUGE part of that.  I love to look at pictures, I love to take pictures, I love to make everyone else look at my pictures.

Every one of them is important to me ♥

Day 17: My Family

I am so lucky.

I have so many people in my life that I consider family. I have people that love me and except me.  I have friends I wouldn't change for the world and family that has been through so much with me.  Everyday, when I feel frustrated or depressed, I try to take a minute and remember,

Having a place to go - is a home.  Having someone to love - is a family.  Having both - is a blessing.  ~Donna Hedges

Happy Birthday Mom

Today has been a long day.

It started with a meeting, then a busy day of work. A horrible fight in the parking lot between two teen girls, with their mothers egging them on.  Questions to be answered, groceries to be bought, dinner to be made, just another day.

Except it wasn't.

Behind all the routine and drudgery of another Wednesday is the knowing.

The knowing that sixty-two years ago today my sweet grandparents had their first of five beautiful daughters.  They named her Carol Ellen, I am sure they thought it was the most beautiful name in the world.  She was their first and until her sister Nancy came along, the most precious thing in their lives.

She would grow up to be funny and sweet.  She would would love her family and her sisters would be the whole center of her little world.  She would be caring and her lifetime of nursing others would be seen in her from a young age.  She would be daring and wild.  She would be a pirate and a gypsy and pioneer.  She and her sisters would have countless adventures.

She would fall in love with a boy.  He would be the first boy she fell for, but it wouldn't matter.  He would be all she needed for the rest of her days.  They would pine for each other when they were apart and they would laugh and love when they weren't.  They would get married and have the first of two beautiful daughters.  They would name her Lisa Marie, because they knew it was the most beautiful name in the world.  They would have another beautiful daughter and they would be a family.

She would laugh and love and she and her daughters would have countless adventures.  She would work all day and go to school at night and she would achieve and accomplish all that she thought impossible.  She would care for others and be there for them when they were sick or hurt.

She would be happy and sad and the routine of life would go on.

She would live a full life, but not long enough.  When she was gone every one's heart that she had touched would break a little, but still beat and go on.

So today was a regular day, expect it wasn't.

Day 13: Something I'm Proud Of

This girl I made ♥

Day 11: Three Years Ago Today

"Carol and I are off for a day of Christmas shopping in the city. First stop Gloria Jean's for an espresso to motivate me!" 

-Facebook 11/11/2009

My poor memory is a gift from my father and it is not getting any better with age.  I would be hard pressed to tell you what I did three days ago, much less recall three years ago.

Thankfully with Facebook's timeline feature I am able to see that three years ago today I spent my day at the mall with my 12 year old daughter.....and everyone made it out alive.

Day 10: A Favorite Recipe

Some things you eat take you right back to being a child. This soup is my instant return to 1979.  It was my mothers favorite and we had it often.  Now that I'm older I know it's probably because we didn't have money for anything else.  My mom canned her own tomatoes and a few vegetables and some barley were inexpensive enough.  She'd make some bread and we would eat it for days.  It only got better...

This is one of the first things I made for Jon when we started living together.  I remember him saying "Soup....of hamburger?"  He was doubtful, but the magic of hamburger soup won him over too.

Just a few weeks ago I stopped over to my grandparents house and my sweet grandma had just made a pot.  This, of course, is her recipe and my mom learned it from her.  She and I leaned over and smelled the steamy goodness and she looked up at me and said, "I made it for dinner, but we might have it for lunch too!"

The magic of hamburger soup...

Day 05: My Hometown

My little hometown has been around since 1875.  We are only 25 square miles wide, but we pack a lot of apple orchards and squalor in a tiny place.  Of the 8,000+ people that live here many have peen featured on People of Walmart. The crowning glory of small town America.

Once, long ago, before welfare, the correctional facilities and Gurney's, we were an illustrious community.  We have had many famous and important people call our little town home.  I can't think of any of them right now, but there must have been a few.

We have the Erie Canal and Mount Albion Cemetery which is listed in the National Registry of Historical Places.  We have the most fantastic salmon fishing around and people travel 1000's of miles to experience it.  We also have a McDonalds, Burger King, Kentucky Fried Chicken and 2 pizzerias all within feet of each other. People get stabbed at the above mentioned retail location and young girls are murdered and buried in the apple orchards.

My dear friend's son graduates this year and is aching to leave the nest.  Every places he talks of going to is too far away, in mom's opinion.  I understand completely and would feel the same way about my little bird. But then I take a minute and think "What would they do here?  What would they be?"  Getting out seems like a good idea.

I have never wanted to leave, ever.  It's been 43 years and the warmth and love of my family and the familiar has always won over travel and better options, but I know I want my daughter to experience more and have better opportunities.

 I just want her to do it less than an hour away.

Joan Crawford wasn't all wrong...

This morning when I was monitoring my daughters Facebook page, which I do on a regular basis, I came across this post from one of her "friends"

"Kiss me like you miss me, fuck me like you hate me and when you are fucking someone else just fuck her like she ain't me."

Really?

Is this an appropriate Facebook status for a 15 year old girl?  The answer is no.  I know it's just a song lyric (thanks DRAKE) but that doesn't make it any less wrong.

Not too long ago this same girl had a status that said,

"It seems like all my guy friends just want the same thing from me." 

Hmmmm, I wonder why.

Where is her mother? I am finding it hard to believe that she would feel like this is an okay thing for her daughter to be saying on Facebook, so I am assuming she just doesn't know it's there. The girl's father is a police officer, I am sure he has seen enough horrible things in his time to know it is unacceptable.  Where is he? Why aren't her parents as upset as I am? Equally as disturbing is the fact that 20 of this girls friends "liked" it. What is going on?

This is horrible.

I remember turning up the radio so I could catch the lyrics to a favorite song, but most times I just sang it wrong. Now the kids can just google it and then post it on the Internet. Maybe not such a good thing.

I remember hanging out with my friends and laughing and acting stupid. But none of these antics were video taped on a cell phone and preserved on You Tube for all eternity.

I remember thinking someone was a dork or a slut, but I never picked on them or attacked them with words until they saw hanging themselves as their only escape.

I remember talking to my friends for hours and hours, even though we had just spent the day together in school. Now the kids talk and talk and talk, but they never even open their mouths. They say things they wouldn't say if they had to look the other person in the eye.

I miss those days. I think know it was a better time.

I believe it is my responsibility as mom to make sure my daughter is using social media and texting in a safe way. I don't think it's spying and I don't think it is unfair to her. I'm not her friend, I am her mother, her protector and her teacher. I deleted that "friend" and tonight we will be having a talk about why that girls post was unacceptable and the ramifications of that behavior, because that's the right thing to do.

I feel bad that the other girls mother doesn't feel the same way...

Where does the time go...

Our one and only child went to Florida this year with a friends family, and thus started our first "empty nest" experiment. She will be gone for 12 days, let's just take a moment to let that sink in....12 days....two days short of a fortnight.

When we agreed to the trip it was a week, Friday to Friday, and I thought "We can do that, no problem."  But then the details started trickling in and they would need drive time and the days got longer. Twelve days is a long time.

Our girl goes to sleep-away camp every summer and that is a week, so I did have a base of separation to know what I could manage.  When she goes to camp we are completely cut off as they don't allow cell phones. We drop her off and come back at the end of the week to see if she is still alive. I live through it every year.

This time I knew she could call us, video message us, text us, Facebook us and that would make it easier.She has done all that, and we talk to her several times a day. She calls with giggly stories, we got a video of the room and we get excited texts about finding just the right hoodie at Ron Jon.

But it's not the same.....

I miss her sounds. I miss her strolling into the kitchen while I am making dinner to talk to me. I miss her asking me what there is to eat. I miss her laugh. I miss her sweet face in the morning when I should be going in to wake her up. I miss telling her to do something and having a discussion about if I want her to "Do it right now?' Who would have thought that fourteen years ago my life would change so much. I can't imagine what we would be without her. She has made both of us better people. Her time is coming to go out and use what we have taught her to make a life of her own. I am not looking forward to it.

I know she is having fun and I am glad, but I can see the future now, a time when we don't have her here to make us laugh and feel secure that she is okay and it is not as golden as one would think...

Handmade With Love

I love Valentines Day!!! I know it gets a bum rap and a lot of people just wish it would go away, but for me  and mine it is a fun day to show how much we love each other!  I also love that it is one of the easiest holidays to go handmade!

The three of us have been hidden behind closed doors working on secrets and surprises. Our pintrest boards are off limits, in case we figure out the surprises. It can be a sweet treat, a construction paper card or a wine stopper turned on the lathe. No store bought cards or treats!!

My little girl leaves the next day for a trip to Florida without me, so this year I will be super needy and sad. I better get a construction paper heart from somebody....

Sunday

And then wine came out my nose...

My sister has lived more places than I have even visited. She's a mover and sometimes I am lucky enough that she picks a place near me and sometimes I am not so lucky. Last year she and her sweet boyfriend moved away from a near-to-me spot to a not-so-close one. So I went from weekend visits to phone calls and emails. 

We spent a lot of our teen age years trying to kill each other, but now we see the worth of the other. Our mother would be releived, there were times I know she was at her wits end with us and our fighting.

I miss my sister.

This week she came home for about 24 hours and I got to spend a small amount of that time with her!!  We had a big family dinner and lots of laughs. After everyone went home we had a grown up sleep over, complete with wine and inappropriate stories.

Now she is gone, but I have been reminded that there is no one I love like my sister.

Ten On Tuesday

10 Things To Do Inside When It's Too Cold To Go Outside

Now we are talking! My favorite things to do are inside. I love camping and kayaking and long walks in the woods, but as I get older I find that I do not like to be cold. I blame all those years I spent standing by the pizza ovens at Pontillo's, my internal temperature gauge is off. Once the cold winds and snow start I am happiest inside by the fire.

1. Knitting - Obviously this is something I enjoy year round, but my favorite knitting is done in my chair by the fire with a glass of wine and a movie.

2. Baking - I love to bake when it's hot (that weird temperature thing again) I always seem to be making 3 pies and a batch of jam when it's 90 degrees. We heat our house with wood stoves and my kitchen is in a chilly in-between zone. The best way to combat this is to have something baking in my 1945 NORGE beast of an oven.

3. Slow Cooking - The crock-pot and my cast iron dutch oven are my favorite kitchen tools. A cold day requires that one of theses be in service at all times. We love soup.

4. Purge - Hoarders is an awesome show, but I have felt uncomfortable watching it more than once because of similarities. Then a snowy day comes along and I start throwing things out.  It feels so good I know I am not a hoarder.

5. Organize - I spent yesterday taking all my yarn off the shelves, petting and smelling them and then putting it all back in an organized fashion.  What?  You smell your yarn too, admit it.....

6. Reading - I don't do as much of this as I used too, but I am getting back into it. I got a kindle for Christmas and I have read four books since. I just started a new one that seems like it will be good!

7. Movies - My love of movies has been documented in the past, especially old movies I have seen hundreds of times. There is something very comforting about watching a movie I know and can follow in my head with out even looking at it.

8. Crafts - Pintrest is killing me. My supplies are seriously depleted.

9. Laughing - My husband and daughter are two of the funniest people I know and they crack-me-the-hell-up!

10. Snuggles - We are big on snuggling here and someone might announce at any minute that they need a family snuggle. I hope that never changes....

Togetherness

I love my family.

There are very few activities that don't become just a little better when we do them together.

Today I was reminded of one.....