Please, for the love of God, shut up!

Tonight my husband decided to surprise me with a night out at our favorite restaurant.  We got a table by the window and settled in with our margarita and Dos Equis. 

That’s when it happened; Debbie and her deviated septum started talking….and never fucking stopped.

Did you know Debbie and her husband Ed spent the day and their pensions at Batavia Downs?  Boy, I sure hope they fix that slot machine, because it was just EATING Debbie’s money, EATING it! 

I’ll never get to sleep tonight wondering how Amy is doing after her surgery to remove that thing that was growing on her foot.  Will they ever figure out what is?

What about Cynthia and that damn Bingo?  Is she ever going to stop playing long enough to call Debbie back and discuss their trip to Quebec?

And that goddamn Words with Friends, telling Debbie her words are not valid…assholes.

Why do those people at Verizon keep texting Debbie?  Is the phone in Debbie's name or Ed's? Why don't they just text Ed?

These questions will just have to go unanswered, because we ate our food as fast as we could to get the hell out of there.

I hope poor, mute Ed goes home and shoves Debbie’s new Samsung Galaxy right up her ass, not a jury in the world would convict him.

The End of Times...

Everywhere these days you hear about gas prices, the stock market, biblical storms and the damn Mayans.  Seems like everyone is preaching their own version of the end of times,

I try to keep a positive outlook on life.  I want to believe that we as human beings will get our shit together and turn it all around.  I want to have hope.

Today I went to buy my favorite cheap hairspray, the kind that smells like the gas they give you at the dentist.  

It was $7.36…for a can of hair spray.

The world is gonna fucking end people….

Togetherness

I love my family.

There are very few activities that don't become just a little better when we do them together.

Today I was reminded of one.....

And The Moral of the Story Is....

The other day, while dropping my high school-er off in my nightie, my car started to get v.....e......r.....y.....s....l.....o.....w. I crossed my fingers and hoped I would make it home.  When I got to the small hill before my house I had my slipper down to the floorboards and I was maybe hitting 20mph. There was also a strange humming noise coming out of the engine.

I made it to our driveway and had the foresight to back in so I could be towed to our mechanic later.  I called my husband and my mechanic and they both told me to get the car to the garage as soon as possible.  Luckily, it is mostly down hill so I was able to coast the whole way, no tow truck needed.

I almost immediately got a call from my mechanic,

"Lisa, who else works on your car?"
"No one, I would only let you touch my engine!"

But even as I said the words I remembered getting an lube, oil and filter from a dinky (and cheaper) little place behind the flower shop in town this summer. 

Shit.

"Well, the top to your air filter is off. The cable that connects your air filter to your car's computer is unplugged and hanging there."

Double shit.

"Ummmm, I guess Jon did it....."

Sorry honey, but someone had to get thrown under the bus and I didn't think he'd believe our 14 year old did it.  He fixed everything up, and not cheaply. I promised to never let my husband touch my car again and silently promised to never take it to the dip shit behind the flower shop either.

On my way to work this morning my check engine light came on again....that's what I get for lying.

DST vs. EST

Let me give you a little run down of my morning so far....

Because just about every clock or time piece I have adjusts itself automaticlly I forgot to manual change the time on my alarm clock Saturday night. So of course this morning it went off an hour early and scared the beejesus out of me. And becausee it was 4:45 am when I tried to adjust the time and alarm, in the dark, I did it wrong and then overslept.

After I jumped out of bed and yelled, "We're late!" I went in the bathroom and realized I hadn't changed the time on that clock either. I reached up to take it off the wall and dropped it. It broke into about three pieces.

Thinking that coffee would be the only thing to help, I turned on the Keurig and took off the water cyclinder to fill it. Yep, I then dropped the full water cylinder and caused a small tsunami on the counter top.

I need my hour back.....

long night...

Because I've been awake since 12:36am and sleep is not in my future...

i am:: exhausted
i want:: to sleep
i have:: eaten too much this St. Patricks day
i wish:: it was 9pm instead of 5am
i hate:: windy nights that keep me up
i miss:: my mom
i fear:: losing my family
i hear:: WIND
i search:: for new ideas
i wonder:: what my daughters life will be
i love:: my life right now
i ache:: when I get out of bed
i am not:: a patient person
i dance:: when I do the dishes
i sing:: all the time
i cry:: while watching the news each morning
i am not always:: as nice as I should be
i write:: because I want to remember
i confuse:: myself
i need:: my husband and daughter to hug me when I get home
i should:: go back to bed
my father thinks i am:: to grown up to need him
my mother thinks i am:: I wish I knew what she thought
my husband thinks i am:: too controlling
three things i'm often complimented for are:: My hair, my abilty to make you laugh and my cooking
what makes me happy:: camping
it upsets me when:: I don't get my way.

fml

• wake up and stumble downstairs for that first sip of coffee, only to discover it tastes like shit.
• totally miss the opportunity to see this as an indication of the day ahead.
• look into the mirror to see that the zit cream i have liberally applied to my face has made a red, raw map of ugly all over it.
• leave late for the 13 year olds orthodontist appointment because she can’t find the retainer we are going there to have checked.
• tailgate a rusty, crappy AstroVan all the way to the appointment only to see it pull into the same dr we are going to…awkward.
• find out the kid is chewing on the plastic retainer and making it not fit properly and shell out $100 unexpected dollars to get a new one.
• leave appointment and head out to UPS store. carry heavy, awkward box to door and realize the store is not open yet.
• sit in car with kid for 15 minutes in complete silence while i ponder the waste of 100 of my dollars.
• watch store employee arrive at exactly the moment the store is supposed to open and unlock the door.
• carry heavy, awkward box back to store and listen to employee (who just arrived) tell me it will be a few minutes until the computers warm up.
• walk around UPS store for 10 minutes while she tells me i will have to reach over the counter and lift my package for her because she has a 5 pound weight limit.
• look at same employee like she is crazy when she asks me if i would like to take a few minutes to fill out a survey on my service here today.
• finally head back to school with kid…we are so late.
• listen to stomach rumble and grumble because i suffer from some weird affliction that makes me physically sick when i am late for something.
• watch low fuel light blink on even though i just put gas in the damn car yesterday.
• drop the kid off at school and feel relief that it will be 9 hours before i will have to argue about something with her again.
• get home, pour more crappy and look at clock...it’s only 10am